Colleague Who Is Expecting T-Shirts

"Baby's First Book of Retirement Planning...?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

Downloading Pregnancy

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

Bureau of the Damned

"I think I see a miscreant in the carpark. There's no time to call the police I must deal with it myself."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

'Yes, technology has come a long way, but the baby won't have a touch screen.'

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"Wow! According to this if I dig straight down I'll find a delivery suite."

Melvin likes to indulge his inner child.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

'I'm afraid we don't deliver on Sundays.'

Childbirth and Covid 19

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

"Now they tell me there's a departure tax."

Birth canal: Keep clear at all times.

"Haaaaah. . . . Back to the office. Better put on my happy face. . ."

"Keep pushing, I can see the head!"

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"This one is less distracting."