Cohabitation Humor Gifts

"Next year we put the cats outside before we hibernate."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

'He's strictly an indoor cat.'

'But you have your own drawer - what greater display of commitment could you want?'

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

"When we agreed that you would move in, Mr. Goodrich, you didn't mention Rex."

Trouble Ahead

I think my girlfriend is moving in.

"Good night. Sleep quietly."

Ward Cleaning.

'Hey, would you mind stirring your Ovaltine somewhere else?!'

'Oh no, it's that 'come hither and do the dishes' look.'

Ice Fishing

'Oh, don't feel bad. They say it happens to all men at some point. But then again, I never did hear of it happening to a bear!'

90% of annoying habits are discovered after you start living together.

"You go right on snoring, doesn’t bother me one bit. Your snores are beautiful, do you know that? I love snoring…not like some people."

"Your hogging the covers again."

"It's god's little get-back.... She had special haloes made for those who never put down the toilet seat."

"Can I move in with you?"

"Yes, dear, we're caught in a cycle...but you can hardly call it a vicious cycle."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

"Wouldn't a teething ring be better than a house-brick?"

'We were divorced, remarried, and divorced again. Now we're just living together.'

'That's the thing when you start living with someone - you discover all of their little habits.'

"As far as roommates go he's fine, he just leaves deadly traps everywhere."

"Oh! So this is where you hide all the blankets you steal from me every night!"

"Maybe we'd stand a better change of rescue if we didn't look so much like penguins."

Frog and Toad are a little bit sick of each other.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I do object to you moving in with my daughter... My daughter lives here!"

"I live near Montauk point but I like to get into the city as often as possible."

"You know...maybe grinding your teeth isn't such a bad thing."

Divorce Attorney,

'I told my wife I'd give e-cigarettes a try, but I drew the line on e-beer.'