Cohabitation Expert Gifts

90% of annoying habits are discovered after you start living together.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"Next year we put the cats outside before we hibernate."

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"After two years of dating, we decided it was finally time to move in together."

'He's strictly an indoor cat.'

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'But you have your own drawer - what greater display of commitment could you want?'

Unwelcome guests can be caught and thrown out...there is no need to kill them.

"Just tell us who's winning."

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"All parents fight."

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"When we agreed that you would move in, Mr. Goodrich, you didn't mention Rex."

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

Trouble Ahead

"Does this dress make my butt look big?"

"Ah-ha! Just in time to make my dinner!"

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'

I think my girlfriend is moving in.