Cognitive Health Advocate Gifts

'Excuse me, Mr. Scarecrow....you forgot your Ginkgo Biloba.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Look, you can only do so much!'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

America, are we learning anything?

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"Postwar is hell."

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Try thinking about something else."

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Window Treatment

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

The new normal

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'