Cognitive Connoisseur T-Shirts

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'Binge thinker'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

Men gossiping

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"He's an abstract artist."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

"We've all said things about heliocentricity that look bad when taken out of context."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"It's called 'Sold'."

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

S**t Threw a Goose

"Who's the artist?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

'Now I'm going to lump all your nagging little worries into one big complex.'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

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