Coffee Shop Conversationalist T-Shirts

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"You don't whisper anymore."

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

How About Serving Us For a Change

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'I don't care what he says, child labor laws were never intended to protect the rights of children in their mid-30s.'

Continental Drift.

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"So have you been watching Bridgerton?"

"It just wasn't working out. He's liberal low-carb and I'm strict keto."

...Five ways for the cities-towns to raise money...

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"I can see the green shoots of recovery. The fag butts are getting longer."

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"I've been dating this homeless guy..."

'Did I wake up feeling grumpy this morning?... No, I let him sleep!'

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'What are you staring at? You have free wi fi here, don't you?'

"They want to turn the clocks back?"

'Has anyone ever told you your tweets are Hemingwayesque?'

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."