Coffee-fueled Novelist T-Shirts

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Victor Hugo

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

The DaVinci Code

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Honoré de Balzac

Jean-Paul Sartre

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

John Bunyan

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Author does not do tricks."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

George Orwell

Sue the Author 3PM

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Gunter Grass

Iris Murdoch

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Thomas Hardy