Artful Novelist T-Shirts

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Victor Hugo

The DaVinci Code

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Jean-Paul Sartre

Honoré de Balzac

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Sue the Author 3PM

"Author does not do tricks."

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

Iris Murdoch

Murder in Apartment 6-K

The Proust of Twitter

Gunter Grass

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

George Orwell

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'