Coffee Abstainers Pillows

"I graduated summa cum laude caffeine-free, I'll have you know."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

Evolution of a coffee drinker.

"Does it count it after an 80 hour week he's here in body but his mind is off in La La land?"

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

Non-Jet Lag.

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Rough day; I have a staff meeting at nine, presentation at ten, big conference call at noon and then at three I'm getting fired and escorted out of the building by security."

"I tried being a stay-at-home dad. But I found out that being a stay-at-work dad is far less stressful."

IT security.

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"What's the big deal? We pull all-nighters all the time."

I think it must have been one hierarchical pyramid reduction strategy too many!...

"She has perfected her micro-nap to look as though she is thinking."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

The morning show for people who HATE mornings

Getting things done.

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

"You're being audited. Are you nervous?"

"Don't rush me! I won't be much of a busy bee if I don't get my second cup of coffee."

'I'll just grab a coffee...'

'I don't think there actually is a right side of the bed for you to wake up on, Dear!'

"When I said you should get more sleep I meant at home!"

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

"Here's the deal. If it tastes good, don't eat it."

"It's not a nap if I'm sitting at my desk."

Spring turkey season has Pete super paranoid...