Caffeine-free Advocates Pillows

"Do you have any caffeine free coffee tables?"

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

Night-shift entrance

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I guess I really was spending too much money on lattes."

'Sorry we don't do black decaf.'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"With this system nobody ever needs a holiday. A doctor occasionally, but not a holiday."

'Well, kids, I guess it all started with decaffeinated coffee....'

"...and lay off the energy drinks..."

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"... And the cold foam cascara nitro goes to Lazarus!"

"She thinks I think it's real latte, but I know decaf when I taste it."

"Look, I'm happy to drop my attachment to ego, but please, don't expect me to give up coffee!"

'He's on his sixth cup of coffee.'

Acme Coffee Co.

'I burnt my hand in hot water.' - 'Why didn't you feel it before putting your hand in?'

"Our rule of thumb is: if it tastes good, don't eat it."

Grim reaper with a notepad passes a group of smokers

"I graduated summa cum laude caffeine-free, I'll have you know."

The Decafé

'Caffeinated or decaffeinated?'

"We'd like you to invest in alternative energy. It's called sleep."

I see you. I deny everything. I have PROOF that in order to keep your patrons coming back, you've quintupled the amount of caffeine in everything you sell. I SAID KEEP THOSE STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES COMING!!! Anecdotal evidence is not the same thing as "proof." I see you.

Not quite Beverly Hills.

Take-A-Break

"Decaf... I distinctly ordered DECAF."

Tea and Coffee

"I'm saving my abstinence for marriage."

You've renamed your small coffee? It's called a big now. That's absurd! It's the same size - the smallest size! It's marketing hooey! Why not call this napkin a scone?! Careful. Huh? Brilliant! Sale on scones! Oh dear.

Coffee. Yeah, the muses are always the first ones here in the morning.

"Coffee doesn't get me out of bed in the morning. I need a direct short from a defibrillator."

Caffeine-Free Kickstart Vending Machine