Cocktails Gifts

"Nobody move! I think I lost an eye."

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

"Scotch and toilet water?"

"Take us to your vodka."

'I have a retirement plan... I'm going to get up every morning around 11am... hen make some cocktails... then, a nap...'

Olive Martini Guillotine

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"Do you have any tooth-whitening vodka?"

'I've been told to keep my spirits up.'

'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

Mimosa's Witnesses

'Since we switched from discovering new lifesaving antibiotics to discovering new daiquiri drinks, our funding has tripled.'

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

A moonshiner waits for his martini.

"The food's fine, but the theme's a little over done."

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

"Help yourselves to dips."

In case of emergency, break glass.

'How much gin will I need for three medium size lemons?'

'The months of arduous training were worth it, she makes a decent martini.'

Join me in a cocktail!

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"I thought it came with an acorn."

Ginspiration!

"Looks like the bar has been raised."

"Ever since I gave up coffee I feel a lot less jittery."

"I'm thinking of stopping a podcast."

"Not another flippin' party?"

'It's a tough business model based on a low price point, but a shot of vodka really increases volume.'

Shaking dice.

"I never use ice anymore since hearing about the endangered glaciers."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.