Cocktails Pillows

"Nobody move! I think I lost an eye."

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

"Scotch and toilet water?"

"Take us to your vodka."

'I have a retirement plan... I'm going to get up every morning around 11am... hen make some cocktails... then, a nap...'

Olive Martini Guillotine

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

"Do you have any tooth-whitening vodka?"

'Hi hon. Me? I'm just getting some work done and the kids are playing in the other room.'

Bad news...we're running out of ice.

'I've been told to keep my spirits up.'

'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

'Since we switched from discovering new lifesaving antibiotics to discovering new daiquiri drinks, our funding has tripled.'

Mimosa's Witnesses

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

A moonshiner waits for his martini.

"The food's fine, but the theme's a little over done."

"Help yourselves to dips."

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

"I thought it came with an acorn."

Join me in a cocktail!

'The months of arduous training were worth it, she makes a decent martini.'

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

'How much gin will I need for three medium size lemons?'

In case of emergency, break glass.

Ginspiration!

"Looks like the bar has been raised."

I use to file your expenses at the office Mr. Henderson, but I never dreamed I'd be one of them.

The birth of the martini

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"Ever since I gave up coffee I feel a lot less jittery."

"Not another flippin' party?"

"I'm thinking of stopping a podcast."