Cocktail Chatter Champion T-Shirts

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'This is fantastic! I don't know what's smaller, the talk or the food?'

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Now showing - "What's the least noisy film we can chat through?"

"It's Olive isn't it?"

"I unleash greed, disease, and death on the world, and you're saying you ate an apple that made you smart?"

"It's discretionary income but I occasionally use it for indiscretions."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

'HEY,no Tongue!'

Full Of Beans

Dadonomics

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

"Everything has been done to death."

'I'll slap the both of you if you don't knock off the chit chat.'

"I got married once - to avoid writing."

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

'Fill 'er up!'

"Do you think of yourself as a spiritual person?"

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

I don't like it when lawyers put coffee on my desk. Relax, judge. It's tequila.

"How can we reduce red tape and promote market forces?"

'I booze, I schmooze and then I snooze.'

Small Talk Outlet

"Who am I to question our government's policies? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Bernard A. Nesbitt, who reads the 'Times,' the 'Wall Street Journal,' the 'Post,' 'Newsweek,' 'Time,' 'Business Week,' 'U.S.News & World Report,' 'Look,' 'Life,' and 'Saturday Evening Post.' That's who I am!"

"Lionel will be watching the new Administration very closely."

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

She's been teaching too long!

"No, I've never been to the Hamptons, but I have been in hellish traffic."