Cockpit Jester Pillows

"Tower to AVX114. . . I don't think the problem's with your altimeter!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

Ski kicker.

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'...I mean on the one hand you have a set of avaricious money and status obsessed paper shuffler...'

"Bloody GPS-plotter is going silly again!"

Now that you're awake, pack up your stuff. -Your former boss.

"Oh, nuts – I forgot why I came out here."

Mr. Science Times

"We don't need airbags, I filled the car with marshmallows."

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

'You can tell the age of a horse by the teeth...but who wants to bite a horse.'

Cow Printer

Where's the covid?

'Your glaucoma will never improve this way, Buzzy.'

'I see you state here that you handle stress very well...'