Aviation Jester Pillows

"So son, this is the no-fly zone I was telling you about: although they are trying to shoot clay pigeons, it is safer to avoid the area altogether..."

"If it takes 10 miles to pour diet, then I must be a million miler."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

'Artificial intelligence is overrated. We find most people prefer the user-friendly advantage of artificial stupidity.'

If this plutonium should start to roam,box it's ears and sent it home.

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'This is your idea of converting your boat to a sailboat, a sheet? And while we're on the topic, is that one of my good sheets?'

"Bloody GPS-plotter is going silly again!"

Mr. Science Times

'Does anyone here know how to land a Boeing 747?'

Cow Printer

"Sometimes I think the captain doesn't appreciate the seriousness of military maneuvers."

Clown receives 'hee hee mail'.

'Can I call you back? I'm going into a tunnel.'

I'd like to check my e-mail...

Genetics Department Christmas Dinner

Common tactical errors made by novice computer chess players: putting the pieces directly in the disk drive.

'We're doing batch uploads today.'

'Fancy a banana split?'

'I call that check my 'Pancake Special'.'

Computer cables as fire ladder.

"I'm using your wifi."

Off-line Between 2 - 3 pm.