Cock-a-doodle Diviners T-Shirts

"You'll never soar like an eagle, but your wings will make you very popular."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Bad for you but to die for

The Mainstream

"I'm getting plasma, iron and platelets. RH positive!"

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

Crystal Ball Plug

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'Hey, Frenchie - you call this paupiettes de beouf aux legumes?'

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

A self-filling prophecy.

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

End of world nigh!!!

"Now...this piece of paper will reveal even more."

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

"You will dance on your enemy's grave."

"It's going to snow! Is that it?"

'Decisions, decisions!'

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

Reading the future in beard stubble.

"When the mist clears, turn right."

"Yeah, my grandpa is a famous water diviner: he's discovered 63 wells to date..."

"I'm the boss, I set the agenda, I make the decisions...GOT IT!"

"The future's looking bleak! Is that it?"

"He loves me!"

Plugged In

Fortune teller has a diary for 2017

Fortune teller using a computer rather than traditional methods