Coastal Gifts

I rather like bucket and spade holidays.

Local Knowledge

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

Bathing-men attend to women on the french coast

"I'm heading north but these days it just seems easier to walk."

A man plays golf by the sea

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

Sandy Floss

"Today's numbers. . . seashells up one, lobsters up three, claims down one, mussels up one . . ."

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"Did you remember the extra krill and anchovies?"

Giraffe looking out of a lighthouse.

Lighthouse

Men see an old lady in a round hat from the back and think she is a pretty young lady.

Lighthouse switch

Elderly beachcomber sees conch shell, unaware there is a hook attached.

"After the truffle season peaks, we like to kick back and do a little clamming."

"I moved to the coast to get away from the Inland Revenue..."

Damp? Only when the tide is very, very high.

"Delivery."

"OK, that was the ebb tide. Now we wait for the neap tide."

Ocean sounds $1.00

Coast to coast.

The tide was out.

"You can subscribe to 'Ocean Sounds' for the low, low monthly price of...."

Hurricane watch

'Yeah it's very Brighton!'

"Looking on the bright side, we should get fifty quid for the lawnmower."

"It might have been smart to inquire about the tides before buying this seaside place"

Bird Watching at a Lighthouse.

Man covered in gunk from shell.

Seagulls

Coast to coast walk.

'I think I'll retire from the CIA to some nice secret little covert beach.'

Man going out for a cigarette from a lighthouse.