Co-worker's Birthday Gifts

'So what do we have here?' - dart board says, Take the Day Off, Ignore the Loser,Do What the Goof Says, and Act Interested.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Golfing Boss

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

The trend toward less formal offices began to gain steam.

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Dogs and their thoughts

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"Well, it's unanimous. Instead of going out of business quietly, with dignity and grace, we've decided to end things killer asteroid-style, taking as many of our competitors with us as possible!"

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

Dog selling toilet water on front lawn

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"No, the Geo Metros, Hyundais, Rabbits, and Kias belong to faculty - the Alfa Romeos, BMWs, and Volvos belong to students."