Cloud Nine Shopper Pillows

"This can't be heaven, where's the shops?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

Ahhh, spring baseball.

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Your PA isn't due up here for another 27 years. You'll just have to answer the questions yourself."

"It started as an out-of body experience but I forgot the password to get back in."

'I think I'm going to like it here!'

'Eternity isn't bad, so long as they allow us to day-trade.'

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

"Speaking only for myself, the unexamined life was a total gas!"

The Cheese God

"Once a sinner, always a sinner!"

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

Heavy angels play ring-toss using halos and thin angel.

I know, I was expecting something different too...

"Assigned to cloud nine! I haven't been there since I caught that twelve pound bass!"

'I didn't expect Paradise to be so literal...'

'I'm considered a saint, but my mother always thought I could've done better.'

"Who knew we could take our Frequent Flyer miles with us?"

'Just because you were a good salesman doesn't mean you can come in!'

'Sorry, but we've never gotten enough golfers here to make it worthwhile to put in a golf course.'

'Whoever would have thought you couldn't get in without a jacket and tie?'

"With no snooker tables, it's not my idea of heaven."

"Finally, right?"

"They call this heaven? 10,000 channels of religious programming."

"I should totally appear to them."

Site Acquired For 200,000 Homes

'Would you prefer smoking, or non'

The gates of heaven have security cameras.

'All the ashtrays are downstairs.'