Closet Eater Gifts

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

All Natural Nothing

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

All-Day Breakfast

Maria had always said you could never have too many shoes. Actually, she was wrong.

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"I gave up on finding Mr. Right and settled for Mr. Chocolate!"

An apple a day!

Time to put away your presents. I don't have room. You said you "needed" a new jacket. I do! My old one's too small. Donate it. I would. But I can't get it out of my closet.

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

'This closet needs digitized.'

"Trust me, you won't miss the air when you see this closet space."

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

Closet.

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'And this is the walk-in clos..' - 'We'll take it!!'

Flatware Follies.

'You order the jumbo combo?'

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

Go large or go home!

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

We're all litigation crazy. Last week I had to sue my wife for joint custody of the closet.

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"

'I guess you'd call it a queer request. He wants his ashes put in a fruit jar and hidden in the closet.'