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'Doctor Fenwick is busy with a patient. May I take a message, please?'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

'Wake him up. We need informed consent for the next part.'

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

'Be careful, Doctor Trefz, she doesn't like men!'

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

Fat Reduction Clinic.

"Tick, tick, tick..."

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

You have a low grade fever.

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."

'If you're tired of only hearing good news or bad news, we're running a special on 'meh' news.'

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

"I missed my last appointment, because I was feeling poorly."

"I can't imagine her diabetes is affecting her body any worse than her sense of style is."

"It never ceases to amaze me what little brains people have."

"Your husband suffers from SADD. Spousal Attention Deficit Disorder."

'Wait a minute, this prescription is for a dozen oysters and half an ounce of powdered rhino horn!'

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

"I can't find anything wrong with you at all."

Radiology: 'Numbskull of the month' award.

'I've got a bad back, Doctor. From sitting in your waiting room for over an hour!'

'Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements.'