Cliché Fan Gifts

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

Countervailing Clichés.

The Devil's in the detail!

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

Steve found himself on his travels.

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

Leopards do change their spots

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

'This doesn't work as a heart-felt plea for world peace, but with some astute editing, it might be great on a greeting card.'

"Thanks for your introductory speech at the conference. By the way, Hibblemeyer, it's 'hard-headed' businessman, not 'thick-headed'."

'Lookout, here comes another boatload of cartoonists.'

'I'd like to push the envelope, go the extra mile, and think outside the box to facilitate a win-win solution to the over-utilization of buzzwords.'

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"There are far too many balls in your court, Brintner!"

The hero dramatically rides off into the sunset.

"There is such a thing as a free lunch-it just tastes bad."

'Reserved' (presumably for little miss muffet)

A panhandler with a sign that reads "I'll never work in this town again!".

Jeffrey N.: The Guy who managed to get the lead out of his pants, but they were still the wrong pants.

"Always a bridesmaid..."

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

Clancy: Hard Work Never Killed Anybody

"Take us to your feeder."