Cleverness Gifts

'I wish I were the smartest person in the whole world.'

Spear Head

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Well, if the test is multiple choice I choose not to take it."

Uncle Giving Boy a Mince Pie

"My reflexes are not what they used to be: This is how I catch birds now..."

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

Plane with banner shoots at another.

2000 words was tough, but doable. Billy would play the picture paints a 1000 words card, twice!

'Computer crime' 'To see your belongings visit our website www,burgular.com'

Mensa gym...we exercise the mind!

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"I am studying the alphabet. I'm watching ABC."

"And he's a nutritional-support animal, too."

'Now there goes a good Salesman...!'

"I'm all for security, but you having an 80-factor authentication may be a little over the top."

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

Cat Trap,

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

Bear bends hunter's guns.

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

'Let's get some sheep, and don't worry if the shepherd has fire: I'll take care of it...'

"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"

"Well I only know of only one family smart enough to know they can't live without an energy efficient clothes dryer! That's right . . . the sucker fish family!"

"It's great, Heidi! All the privacy I want without locking the door...And they probably won't figure it out until I'm in college!"

Man in puzzle shop looks at staff picks which are individual puzzle pieces.

How David Really Won

"All As. What did you get?"

'As I see it, Pinocchio was motivated by a need to prove himself, while both Hansel and Gretel were driven by an inborn rebelliousness.'

Cloning departments

I see the computer is down again.

'You see, if we learn to swim upside down, they won't see us coming...'

'I find that if you roll your sleeves down before you go in for dinner, you don't have to wash so much.'