Cleanse Skeptic T-Shirts

"No thanks. I'm a junk food cleanse this week."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"That can't be right. How'd you work 15 hours in on day?"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Too much Omega 3.'

Environmental Conscience

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"No thanks, I'm on a juicebook cleanse this week."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

GMOs

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Dr. Nutrition, would you say our tuna sandwiches could prevent hair loss? Dr. Nutrition. Given how furry you are, I'll take that as a yes. I will tell our customers the great news. I really appreciate your input, Dr. Nutrition. You are a valued scientific authority. The key to a successful scam is maintaining the pretense at all times.

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'You're taking too much of that clamshell calcium, Margaret.'

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"It's extremely rare for anyone to suffer side effects from health supplements Mr Baxter. Just how much cod liver oil have you been taking?"

Smart drugs. 'Gee, duh, I don't know. Does it look like we have any in stock?'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

Super and Super Duper Vitamins.

I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. That's a good choice, Uncle Mort. Of course you'd say that!!! You're in the pocket of the chamomile industry! You feed at the chamomile trough!!! Here. Delicious. Thanks. I'm glad you're finally taking the doc's advice and laying off the caffeine. That's what you think! I just swallowed seven caffeine tablets with it!!!! Forget the doctors! Big chamomile is in cahoots with big medical insurzzzzzzzz. Addiction is an ugly thing.

"Because when it actually works they just call it medicine."

The Royal Touch, Believed to Be a Cure for Scrofula, Pox and Excessive Cholesterol

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'