Cleanse Connoisseur T-Shirts

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Too much concealer?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Pet owner pours out contents of treats for dog that are oddly shaped. Box titled: 'Funny Bones'.

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

"...and we plan to offer it as a scarce and valuable product."

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'The Anal Retentive Astronaut.' 'Just LOOK at all this DUST!'

'I know how you like things to be clean, so I gave fishy a bath!"

"Dr. Green...5 second rule...stat!"

"Which one of these things is the soap?"

'I see the Maids have been in!'

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

'Botox so soon, Master?'

Junior's Towel

"No thanks, I'm on a juicebook cleanse this week."

"My phone is my cosmetic advisor. If the facial recognition doesn't work, I know I'm wearing too much makeup."

Laundromat: Bulletin Board - Have you seen this sock?

'With all these new surveillance cameras around town, I'm not going anywhere without full-make-up.'

"Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Your shampoo delivery is here!"

A grave with an array of beauty products

Jutting Protuberances in just 10 Days!

'Doctor, I asked for BOTOX injections, not BUTTOCKS injections.'

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"You want fries with that Chardonnay?"

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

"Yes, it was tested on rabbits and they simply adored it."