Claw Machine Expert Pillows

"He's got steady hands and was the top recruit from Funzone."

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

"Nostalgia is one helluva drug."

"C'mon! C'mon! Almost there..."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'Thank you for noticing, Shirley - but beauty comes at a price, It hampers my hunting, limits my berry picking and typing's a real pain,'

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

Elephant with front end loader using tusks.

Claw Machine Head

Alien Arcade

'Yes of course he can borrow my lawn mower just as long as he only uses it in my garden...'

"Did you know that cats can give paw?"

'You do nice work!'

'We don't own a shredder. We just hang sensitive material on the furniture and let the cat take care of it.'

"We ran your credit rating and came up with a negative number."

"Oh, yeah! A little to the right. . . down a bit. . . Ahhh!"

Playing an arcade machine

"Her name is 'Precious', but her nickname is 'why we can't have nice things.'"

Banana Arcade Game

Woman coaxing husband into mowing lawn by dangling a bottle of beer in front of him.

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

On Stephen Harper's answering machine..Michaelle calls.

"Isn't that cute? She bought herself a little stool to sit on and watch us shred her chairs!"

'Not being able to blink used to be a problem.'

"I should've known if we told him we were going to have him declawed he'd go out with a bang."

An oxymoron: Cat optimist

Claw Machine

"And thus the hunters become the hunted."

"No guilt! This is the price they areed tp pay for a shot at our mercurial affections."

The latest construction safety device: air bags on jack hammers.

'We need to get him a scratching post.'

'Why didn't you get a company car like everyone else?'

'... to leave a message, press 4... to speak to a live person, come to 414 Main Street, Room 1310 between 9 and 4... thank you.'