Clause Detective Gifts

'Where's the fine print key?'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Torturing the English Language

Can You Spot the Differences?

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Barks in code.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

When Engineers Crack.

Dog barking at everything except a burglar.

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"It's not fair! I only got 100 on my English test!"

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"