Classroom Tamer Pillows

"I need a good book on classroom management. My class went from The Learning Channel to The Jerry Springer Show in one week."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

The History Teacher

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

Smirking or Non-smirking

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

"Now that the playground's thawed, let's welcome back Mary Redmond, Sarah Turpin, and Hector D'Amico."

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

"Aw, Miss! Why do you always pick on me to answer the questions?"

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

'Did I throw which spitball?'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

Final Exams Today

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

"So...what did you learn in school today, Baldo?"

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

Do I get extra credit for neatness?

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

'You always go that extra mile, don't you Molly.'

I wasn't cheating...I was getting a second opinion.

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

"It wasn't me jumping up and down and yelling in class. It was the sugar talking."

'I need ur homework ASAP!'

'No, Jacob. None of the classes this year require 3D glasses.'