Classroom Tamer Gifts

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

The History Teacher

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"How was first grade? I don't know yet. I spent all day in the Principal's office."

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

Smirking or Non-smirking

'I know I can train them to be thoughtful productive citizens if I can ever get past sit.'

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

"Mom, no more apples for teacher. It looks like bribery."

"Now that the playground's thawed, let's welcome back Mary Redmond, Sarah Turpin, and Hector D'Amico."

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

'I don't want to go school shopping! Can't you just buy stuff for me?. . .Just get me more of this in the next size up!'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

'Did I throw which spitball?'

'You always go that extra mile, don't you Molly.'

"For the next few hours, I'll be bringing you info with no tainment."

"So...what did you learn in school today, Baldo?"

Do I get extra credit for neatness?

Final Exams Today

"I understand that by the time we've hit our teens we'll have them pretty much where we want them."

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

I wasn't cheating...I was getting a second opinion.

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

"It wasn't me jumping up and down and yelling in class. It was the sugar talking."

'I need ur homework ASAP!'

'No, Jacob. None of the classes this year require 3D glasses.'

'What about you, Billy? Did some deranged animal burst in during recess and devour your homework too?'