Classical Music Gifts

Life Without Mozart

"Mostly Mozart, nothing. It's all Mozart or no Mozart."

Ludwig van Beethoven

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"Can Wolfgang come out and play?"

"And now, God help us all, Rachmaninoff's Concerto in C Minor."

Orchestral Conductor.

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

'All right Billy, until your 'staccato' touch improves, we'll be having our piano lessons here at the stove.'

An orchestra cymbalist is tempted by a fly.

Musician having a brain scan.

'His BACH is worse than his bite.'

'Wolfgang! Playing air violin is not practicing!'

Beethoven's 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and Fifth.

Supply was out of harps.

Lord of the Strings.

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

Violinist.

Don't sit next to the violinists.

'In an inexplicable attack of nerves, Elliot becomes the first person ever to screw up John Cage's 4'33'.

'You know, that's a TYPO.'

"Come on, you know the words! Bum bum bum bum!"

Wolfgang Mozart

'For my next selection, I will download a music file from the internet.'

On your mark, get set, go!

Joseph Haydn

Gustav Mahler orders a salad.

Mozart's improvisational skills, along with his lack of financial security, often led to brilliant inspiration.

Pyotr Tchaikovsky

Three great regrets.

Double Bass

A Concert.

Doggy conductor

Bassoons.

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."