Classical Connoisseur Gifts

Life Without Mozart

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

'All right Billy, until your 'staccato' touch improves, we'll be having our piano lessons here at the stove.'

Don't sit next to the violinists.

"Come on, you know the words! Bum bum bum bum!"

Mendelssohn Finds His Inspiration

"In conclusion , I'll replay the notes I played incorrectly. There was an F sharp, two E flats, a G..."

Back in 10 minuets.

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

"What the ponytail for the downbeat."

Sergey Rahmaninov

"Hey, would you mind taking a quick sculpture of me and my family?"

Benjamin Britten

Johann Strauss II

Gioacchino Rossini

Camille Saint-Saens

'Look Clara, I'm telling you for the last time, it's not me who's crazy. It's Eusebius.'

Some Time In The 1820s. . .

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto, Number One, first movement."

Flight of the Bumblebee

Richard Wagner's other Ring Cycle.

Carl Maria von Weber

"Please, Daddy. I don't want to learn to use a computer. I want to learn to play the violin."

"Where've you been Haydn?"

Pianist playing a sharp and a flat key

First violinist has an 'MVP' sign on his chair

George Frederic Handel tries to write lyrics for his 'Royal Music For Fireworks.'

"'Is Lordship 'as just popped to the corner shop for a packet of fags..."

Aleksandr Glazunov

Archimedes statue with a lever

Piano being held up by a bust.

'Friends, Romans, Post-Impressionists, lend me your ears.'

"Did you know Mozart died young to avoid muzak?"

Mozart

"...And somebody's been listening to my Berlioz!"