Classic Tale Reimaginer T-Shirts

'Boy, down there.' 'Yes, Mr. Scrooge.' 'Tell the butcher...to cancel for goose. I just had a visit from the spirit of Veggie Future.'

Saint George and the Drag Queen

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

"This giant, Jack, did he touch you in any way?"

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

Revised Texts

Alice Through the Looking Glass - Alice and the Red Queen.

"Jekyll, old man - I think you've made my wife's drink a bit too strong."

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

Alice in Badassland

Under New Management.

Wolf in bed.

Some things Alice did in wonderland have been glossed over.

Jack and Jill

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll And Mister Softee

'Steer clear of the blow hole until we get to Sausalito.'

'Yeah, I knew Dumpty, I let him take a fall for me, I thought he was hardboiled.'

Cillarella

'We have an air guitar to go with it, Sire.'