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Professor Van Helsing's long and successful career as a vampire hunter, came to a sudden end due to woodworm.

"Don't we like the Brothers Grimm anymore?"

Schlock Holmes

You're really the Ghost of Christmas Past? In the flesh, so to speak. Bit early this year. Thrilling! Pardon? Since I was a little boy, I've dreamed of being considered frugal enough to get a visit from you. Will you tour me through my cheapest moments?! Tough case, this one.

Love at First Fright Dating Service. She's very picky. As usual, I'm having a hard time finding her a date for the Halloween Ball. She went with the Invisible Man once, but she said she could see right through him. She didn't like Cyclops because it was hard to make eye contact. Doctor Jekyll was no good because two's company and three's a crowd. Has she like anybody? Yeak, Frankenstein's monster ... She thought he was very well-built.

'I'm afraid you're a little late for the book signing, Mr. Dickens.'

'I'm telling you I don't know where your goat is, look in the classifieds.'

Frankenstein's monster writing a lonely hearts ad.

Dorothy, the lion, and the scarecrow, are suddenly confronted by the tin man of Oz.

'What do you mean, you BROKE the sword in the stone?'

'Ever since I lost that stupid race, I've been a laughing stock wherever I go...

Dracula sees his reflection in the mirror.

'Romeo and Julietta'

'Have you got a mirror, Doctor - He wants to see what he looks like?'

'Mr. Heathcliff will be in an almost idiotic excess of unsociable moroseness until lunch...shall I pencil you in for a two o' clock?'

"Not now, I've a shocking toothache."

"You're going to hate yourself."

Tut and Carmen.

Victor Hugo

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"You do realize I'm going to have to bill you for ten?"

Papageno from The Magic Flute

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Now Playing: One of those Jane Austen movies."

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

"The Hound of the Baskervilles, Watson--I took him walkies!"

The Little Search Engine Who Could: 'I think I can...I think I can...'

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

Out To Lurch

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

The Demise of Tinkerbell