Clamp Enthusiast Pillows

"Miss Trimble, you're looking particularly nasty and vindictive this morning."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"By labeling it, I control it."

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Arts and crafts

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

The Hammer

A woman playing a keyboard

'Dude, you can go for that new diving gear if you want, but if you ask me, I think it's a trap.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

The Escape Key

"Keep practicing, and someday you'll be able to play the two songs you remember at houses that also have pianos."

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Pelican and Origami

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'What a control freak!'

'It's your remote. Hold on to it. Don't let other people push your buttons.' The kind of help men go for.

GLOO!

Musician plugged into amp.

Stranded Woodsman.

...they can't take the factory out of the man - he's off to do some welding.

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."

Christmas Craftwork

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'