Clamp Enthusiast Pillows

"Miss Trimble, you're looking particularly nasty and vindictive this morning."

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"By labeling it, I control it."

Arts and crafts

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

A woman playing a keyboard

The Hammer

'Dude, you can go for that new diving gear if you want, but if you ask me, I think it's a trap.'

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'I feel like I'm in a rut, too!'

"You'll have to excuse my Stuart. He's just showing off his new drill.

"Keep practicing, and someday you'll be able to play the two songs you remember at houses that also have pianos."

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

The Escape Key

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Pelican and Origami

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

Handyman Christmas tree with Tools.

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

'What a control freak!'

'It's your remote. Hold on to it. Don't let other people push your buttons.' The kind of help men go for.

Christmas Craftwork

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

Stranded Woodsman.

GLOO!

...they can't take the factory out of the man - he's off to do some welding.

Musician plugged into amp.

"Don't disturb Daddy darling: he's just received his new issue of "Basic Tools Monthly"..."