Civil War Storyteller Pillows

Grant's Overland Campaign: In the Trenches before Petersburg

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"The knights of the round accent table"

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Remember when we had to get along on twenty-one dollars a month!"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Rocket Ark

"And that's when they left for vacation!"

"You must be new around here, pardner."

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

'Your barn door's open.'

Little Known Historical Fact: After regaining consciousness at the last minute, Davey Crockett's coonskin cap went on to become the Alamo's only survivor.

'Let's see now, if one score equals twenty years...'

'Hey you two! Take that outside!'

And I got an honorary Purple Heart for sticking myself with one of my flag pins.

Old soldiers at Dunkirk. Politically correct guy:'Sorry old boys-can't have you upsetting Johnny Foreigner, you know'

Union Troops Foraging for Supplementary Rations in Louisiana

Why the dodo became extinct

Lincoln's lips were a huge addition to his Gettysburg Museum.

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."

statue in park: 'Arnold P. Rossiter, a local boy who went to the big city and made it big... and now he's back home, flipping burgers, just like we always said he would.'

Hadleyville Has-Beens

Lawrence of Arabia

'Down to 43 hit points? ?have you been fighting again?'

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

'The houses aren't historic, but they are still fighting the Civil War.'

Landing of Relief Expedition to Fort Pickens

John Burns- Veteran of 1812- who Fought at Gettysburg

Battle of Cedar Creek- Sheridan's Ride