Circle Of Life Commentators Pillows

I used to believe that aging is all in the mind. That explained why brows are so wrinkled. In my youth I was the picture of health and physically fit. These days my joints noisily creak and grind whenever I move. A sinus condition causes snoring loud enough to wake my neighbors. And my stomach constantly rumbles like a cement mixer! I've gone from a sound body to a sound body. It's a circle of life, Frank.

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Neversource"

'When you said I would go places with the firm , sir, I was rather hoping for more than the annual outings...'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

Why Superman flies himself

Life and Death

From Here You Can See Bugger All

"The boss spent the day bouncing ideas off me!"

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

NHS Stabbing Ward

Self Checkout

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

Have you drugged your child today?

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

Intelligent Sexual Design

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."