Circle Of Life Commentators Pillows

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

National Living Wage from April 1st.

Why Superman flies himself

'When you said I would go places with the firm , sir, I was rather hoping for more than the annual outings...'

Life and Death

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

"Neversource"

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

"The boss spent the day bouncing ideas off me!"

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

From Here You Can See Bugger All

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"I feel like a newborn. No hair, no teeth, no bladder control."

Our Troubled Chowders

Self Checkout

NHS Stabbing Ward

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

Have you drugged your child today?

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."