Churchyard Chuckler Pillows

"I used to pray for their salvation...now I just beat the *!^#@? out of them."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"...lettuce pray."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."