Churchgoing Champions Pillows

"It's so much easier dragging the kids to church in the winter."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

Priest

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Let us pray...'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Verger Works

"That's our new church mascot."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

Baptism Then and Now

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

"Amen. Please help me up."

"I have an app for that."

CCTV in church.

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."