Church Design Pillows

"We'd like some scenes from Genesis over here, followed by David composing the Psalms over there, and at the end, let's have Abraham pointing the way to the coat room."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Let us pray...'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

The Sleeping Congregation.

Sermon Applause.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

The ten ammendments

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

United Church of OMG

God is for life not just for Christmas.

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"