Church Builder Pillows

"What's a polite but firm way of letting them know I don't like modern architecture?"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Support Group for a Good Problem

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

God's Subcontractors

What We Thought Were Canals Are Deep Prejudices and Inequities.

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Werewolves of London..."

"Steady. This is going to be so sweet."

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

Timmy has a great future in nano-technology.

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Say baby - 'come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove, that valleys, groves, hills and fields,woods or steepy mountain yields' - Marlowe.'

'I like it but frankly, I had something more substantial in mind.'