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Cockroach Bible Class: 'And God said 'let there be light'!'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

How's my Sermon . . .

Eucharist

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

"First, you have to get their attention."

Ding and Dong.

'Welcome to our first ever... Casual Sunday.'

Vicar preaching at pulpit

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."

"Put some spiritual food in there."

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

Confession Ratings.

"God willing, you'll get the lear jet, Reverend!"

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

"Now remember, after this anointing you need to return every 3 months or 3000 miles."

"It's the new church organ."

"God, I hate cows."