Chum Champ Pillows

Reverse psychology.

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

'She hasn't advanced to figure eights yet.'

Camping holidays in the British summer.

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'Are we having fun yet?'

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

Schrodinger's kittens

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Monkey casino study.

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

My music gave me a grade of F sharp.

'Are you folks ready to take THIS ice bucket challenge?'

Stock Wanted

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

"What setting do I use for this?"

"Love them rays, Chief."

Amateur singers

"Careful...she bites."

Sign on the door at Karate School.

Ant Farm Concert

'Christmas Splash Charity: Fancy Dress Swim.'

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Little known evolutionary steps.

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

"I think what I love most about you are your causes."

"On the day after Christmas, lots of families celebrate Boxing Day... They box up things they don't need anymore and give them to charity."

Black belt in gossiping.

'Idle gossip, nothing! I've worked hard on it!'

"There's a man at the door collecting for Jesus...."

"This is a stick-up. Please give generously."