Chuckle-worthy Consultants Pillows

'Precise, analytical and beautifully reasoned address. Now condense it down to a snappy sports metaphor.'

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

"I suspect your headaches may be the result of you being exposed to someone with an undiagnosed case of cabin fever."

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

Not waiting for someday to look back on this and have a good laugh.

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

"I made my first million tech consulting explaining the cloud to clients."

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

Australian baby with toys hanging from his hat rather than corks

"Did I say Henny Youngmen? I meant to say Sergei Prokofiev."

'Some Honeymoon!'

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'He's paralysed from the neck down.'

Children playing with scissors in the nursery

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"If an election were held tomorrow, which party would you vote for?" "The wine and cheese party."

"Hey you. I can't get in your house because nobody drew a fireplace or chimney. Not my fault, dude. Well, maybe next year. Ho, ho, ho."

"Hold on, I just have to send a P-mail."

'My credit report. Well - they said it's the lowest ever, but on the flip side I'll be in the Guinness World Record book.'

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

"We learned about the 10 commandments, but I bet my parents will add a few of there own!"

"What sort of job are you after?" "I don't want a job. I want to be a consultant!"

Cow meditating says 'Moo.'

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

"Okay, I'm sitting up. What's up?"

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

'Will you knock it off. Your set wasn't that bad.'

Tommy Cooper's Recycling Facility - Bottle/Glass/Glass/Bottle/Bottle/Glass.

"How nice to be misunderstood in more than one language!"

'Need money, don't make me beg!'

"C'mon! Allegro vivace! Allegro vivace! We're selling ice cream not coffins!"