Chiropractic Chuckles Pillows

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

"Inside I'm a crying hyena."

'I don't know. I woke up with it after preaching last weeks sermon...'

'Precise, analytical and beautifully reasoned address. Now condense it down to a snappy sports metaphor.'

'I'm afraid there's not much I can do. You're an invertebrate.'

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

You Will Eat A Fortune Cookie.

"Tomorrow night let's switch back to gin."

Light Mayo

'Now take a deep breath and visualize your client being acquitted.'

"It's my opinion that you suffer from a hyperactive disorder. And when you're done writing that down, I'd like my chart back."

'I'll bet that all the money they save on vegetables they put right back into chiropractors.'

'You've got yellow fever, so we're painting the room to match your body.'

A tiny man squeezing a giant's head in a vice

"The resilience of the human spirit can be truly inspiring."

'I'm afraid your body is rejecting the transplant...'

"I think I forgot to turn off the stove."