Chiropractic Humorist Pillows

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

"Do you know a good chiropractor?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"The first one's just a warning."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

Vlad the Inhaler

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'