Chiropractic Humorist Pillows

"Lately, when I wake up, I'm stiff as a board!"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

Cardiac Recovery.

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'