Chronophiles Gifts

Sundial Time

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"I think I'm in the wrong kind of spin class!"

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

Man feeding the birds at the park is eaten alive.

Alternative collective animal names

'We are from the planet Condescendia. Take us to your cute little leader.'

Stopping Time in order to Finish Book

Man in boat sees clock rising in distance instead of the sun.

'Hello, security.'

'Not now Kato!'

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

"I told him. . . 'Norman, forget that woman! She's no good for you! I need you to run the Bates Motel! Norman! Are you listening to your mother?'"

Let's do the continental.

"Really Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!"

'All done, ready for bed: I've cleaned his teeth...'

'He used to think, now he just googles everything.'

"Great location. Let's check it out."

"I'll check the minutes of the last meeting, but I've got 'September Revolution' pencilled in."

Rare Book Store: Telephone Directories

'Get a grip.'

"Why can't you just be happy for me that I'm going to Paris?"

Almost Your Time.

Invention of the Toilet

'If you can read this, call the missing kids' hotline.'

"Talk about heaven - eight francs to the buck and old Binky still a chiselled blonde."

"Don't kill it. The eat bugs."

"Hey, you know those collective nouns are just a bunch of crap, right?"

"Those are the sickos that made a film of Zorg's autopsy!"

He wouldn't been a great third date, but not quite worth suffering through dates one and two.

'She always has her own way. She even writes her diary a few days in advance.'

'$3000 for a digital hi-def T.V., and there's still nothing on!'

Small man falling in love with large woman

'Those who can do; those who can't, chronicle.'

'I finally met a macho, self-assured, good-looking guy, and wouldn't you know it? - He's doing thirty years to life!'