Chronic Overreactor Pillows

"It's a common cold, Brian, it hardly warrants the googling of 'Assisted suicide' sites."

No Immediate Danger

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

"There are 168 hours in as week and I work 184."

'Word has it that you have an ulcer, Tomkins. Nice going! You'll find an extra 20 bucks in your paycheck.'

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Hour Glass

"Let's welcome our new member, Bob!" "You, too!" "'You, too'? Idiot!"

'I worked my butt off again.'

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

'I'm going to be a lot more decisive from now on. Well... maybe not a lot more, but at least a little more.'

"It must be his beeper."

"You no longer have any excuses for not getting your work done. I hired someone to take your lunch and bathroom breaks for you."

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

"I've decided on the prize for top-achiever of the year. A dozen kittens."

'Oh no! Here comes our insurance guy! He's 3 minutes early for our appointment.'

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

Took a tiny nothing molehill and created this huge, amazing mountain

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

Notice! Management hates to see associates working overtime. So, please keep your doors closed. Thanks!

"It's rigged. They have an umpire."

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers

"Hard work, determination, success!"

"These young doctors know NOTHING, I used to see 500 patients EVERY day..."

"C'mon. She's clearly just a rebound girl."

"Today our panel will be discussing the distinguishing characteristics between the UPS and FedEx truck, and the appropriate corresponding overreaction."

'Sorry dear, but I had to bring some work home!'

This sun block lotion is so strong, it protects you from sun, lightning strikes, nuclear radiation, and will block cell phone transmissions at 50 feet!

"Stress related sickness.. all nonsense. I've worked 80 hours a week for years and it's never done me any harm."

"I'm sorry, he left for his annual holiday this morning and won't be back until late this afternoon."