Chronic Complainer Fan Pillows

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room.'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

In, Out, Complain.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

'Someday we'll look back on this and think, ‘Why the hell didn't we sue?' '

Complaints departement for men and women.

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"I finally have an ailment that isn't so bad that I'm worried, but bad enough for me to complain about constantly"

Continental Breakfast...$2.99: 'What continent is THIS supposed to represent?'

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

'Typical, I hadn't finished complaining about the rain...'

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

Moanathon.

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Airline concerns.

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

'How long do I have to sit like this? My neck is stiff, my arms ache. I've got pins and needles...'

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

"Just eat your alphabet soup Harold."

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

Wine, Whine. Unwind.

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Patience Tested While You Wait.

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."