Christmas Storyteller Gifts

"Hey, Dad. We almost caught Santa last night!"

'You've got to work?! Does that mean we're not going to visit my parents on Christmas?'

The oft-forgotten Three Old Wines who didn't quite manage to follow the star.

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

'My dad, says you're not the real Santa. He said, you're just some fella off the dole.'

Twas 6 days before Christmas when Santa heard a ker-plunk! He rushed to the door, and found the ice cap had shrunk...

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

"I can't believe I slept through the birth of a baby in our manger! That's it then, I won't be mentioned in stories about tonight..."

Christmas Tree Decorated with Books.

Santa Claus

"Are you the ghost of past, present or Christmas yet to come?"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Rude Snowpeople

Zoom Christmas

Filming Christmas

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

A feminist Christmas.

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

Knight before Christmas

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

Boy Prays for a Full Stocking

"I'm playing Santa in the Christmas play. I need a pillow and eight tiny reindeer by Friday."