Christmas Comedy Collectors Pillows

'Sorry kids...no ponies or guns this year. My liability insurance doesn't cover me in delivering that stuff!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

Banana Split...

Tourists and their Pets.

"The Eggsorcist"

E-Baying @ The Moon

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Turtle Hat

Snowmobull

Filet minion

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

A trevor of trainspotters

"Whose the new guy?"

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

What happened when the bond issues failed during the building of the Great Wall of China: The Great Picket Fence of China.

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

The embarrassment of mistaking a salon for a saloon.

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

'ANYTHING to get down the ruddy boozer!'

An Extraordinary Pointer